


My Old Friend

by TheBeckster



Series: Talking Without Speaking, Hearing Without Listening [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Female Anakin Skywalker, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gift Fic, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Male Padmé Amidala, Mild Peril, Rule 63, That's probably not how the Force works, Unofficial Sequel, gender bending, i am weak for not completely human Anakin, not ship-centric but contains ship content eventually, post-order 66 recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBeckster/pseuds/TheBeckster
Summary: Unofficial Sequel to Hello Darkness.In the aftermath of Order 66 and the defeat of Emperor Palpatine, and still reeling from great personal loss, Anakin Skywalker has tasked herself with combing the galaxy to bring any lost Jedi she can find back home. Hidden in a small mining colony, Anakin finds a familiar face.
Relationships: Grogu | Baby Yoda & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Talking Without Speaking, Hearing Without Listening [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/736284
Comments: 14
Kudos: 34





	My Old Friend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cold_pizza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cold_pizza/gifts).



> Apparently, I'm a Horrible Person Who only Exists To Cause My Friends Pain When I Write Angst And Share It (or something to that effect) I hurt cold_pizza's feelings with Hello Darkness (and with sharing further sad thoughts) and she demanded I make it better. According to her, I was mean to Anakin (and cold_pizza) for killing the twins and Obi-Wan, and it had to be made right. So I gave Anakin a baby Grogu to make things better! And added more angst because I cannot help myself!
> 
> Enjoy your Christmas present ColdPizza! (And everyone else of course!)
> 
> Have I been sarcastic enough? Has my tone conveyed the sarcasm I intended? cold_pizza is a very dear friend and I was absolutely delighted to write this for her after she had to get front row seats to all my Hello Darkness-related angst and thoughts

**My Old Friend**

Anakin stared blankly out the front viewport of her ship. The light whorls of hyperspace played across the dashboard, the empty copilot's seat, the dark back wall of the cockpit. Her hand rubbed idly over her chest, kneading her palm over her heart in a thoughtless attempt to ease the pain.

Behind her, plugged into the navicomputer, R2-D2 turned his domed head, scanned her with his optic, and whistled lowly. “ _You are doing it again_.”

Anakin started, her hand stilled, and she balled it up in her lap. Her chest ached. Her skin was rubbed raw and mottled darkly with bruises above her heart, but the ache was deeper than that.

It had been over a year since she eliminated Palpatine. A year since she wiped his dark essence entirely from the galaxy and the Force. It still hurt. She was beginning to think there would never be a time when it didn’t hurt to be human.

Anakin had returned from her battle with Palpatine forever changed. She was no longer a Jedi, not a general, not a warrior, not the Hero With No Fear, not a Master or Padawan, and hardly even a wife anymore. She was still a mother. She would always be a mother, even without –

There was an empty, aching hole in her heart, a great bleeding wound in her soul in the shape of her children. It was unfair they had lived for such a short time. Their lives had been so full of promise and potential, and they had been ended at just a day old.

Destroying Palpatine hadn't brought her children back. Giving herself over to the Force hadn't dulled the pain. And bringing back as many surviving Jedi she could find would never fill the hole.

Even in that regard, bringing Jedi back didn’t mean she was a part of them.

She could hardly stand to spend time with the few surviving younglings. Picking up the lost and scattered ones had been some of the hardest runs – padawans mainly, given the gift of survival by their Masters’ sacrifices, too young to have ever been on warships and in battle zones in the first place, but had been there anyway. They had been through so much, hurt so deeply, and needed love and care that Anakin couldn’t provide. It was best to remain distant.

She had technically left the Order when she ran away to hide the twins. And even though Master Yoda had extended a welcome back before her battle against Palpatine, she didn’t take it then, and she couldn’t take if after. He had been right to warn her that if she went to face the Emperor she could not return a Jedi.

She didn’t mind the solitude so much anymore.

It wasn’t the others’ fault they didn’t like spending time around her. She was… difficult to experience now.

She had changed too much during her battle against Palpatine. She had given herself so fully to the Force. She had lost her humanity – but she had never been fully human in the first place. It was just now so apparent to anyone who looked at her that she really was created by the Force.

She hurt to look at – some said of her – like staring at the sun. Her eyes reflected her oneness with the Force. They were an intense blue-violet, and they seemed to glow with an ethereal light, more so as she used the Force. No Jedi had meshed so seamlessly with the Force in nearly two thousand years. Nobody knew what to do with her. What to call her.

There were days when Anakin almost forgot she was still a living human. It was so easy to slip into meditation and let time become meaningless, letting the Force absorb her bottomless well of grief. It was easier to not be human. The Force cared not for the discomfort others felt in her presence. The Force didn't care if young children shied away from her. The Force didn't mourn the loss of her children, Obi-Wan, and so many other Jedi. The Force _hurt_ , the Force felt the loss and emptiness, but the Force did not mourn. The Force was incapable of mourning.

Some days, it felt better to be the Force.

R2 whistled sharply, rolling over to prod her elbow with his manipulator. Anakin had drifted into her thoughts again, and had been rubbing absently over her aching heart. His manipulator arm snapped impatiently until her hand went within reach of his grasp, and he pulled her hand down and away, holding it firmly.

"Thanks, Artoo." Anakin sighed and moved her captured hand to pat his head. He let her go, and vibrated on a low frequency beneath her touch. Where he learned to _purr_ , she would never know, but she was certain that was never in any of the programs she had given him. Not that she minded.

"It's tough today. Eighteen months..." To the day. Her children would have been eighteen months old today, and tomorrow was— R2 hooted lowly and purred harder. "I wish you could have met them. They would have loved you."

A near-forgotten memory came to Anakin's mind; two little girls singing and dancing around the astromech while the droid chirped and danced along to their made up song – Padme’s nieces before the war. R2 had always been good with children. He would have loved her twins.

Anakin swore under her breath as she wiped at the tears in her eyes. She was arriving soon; it wouldn't help anyone if she spent her entire search teetering on the brink of a breakdown. She probably shouldn't have come in the first place. Every month the few days around the anniversary of the best and worst days of her life were hardest to cope with. But the Force had called out to her so urgently the thought of delaying her trip for a couple days hadn't crossed her mind until she was already in hyperspace.

The call of the Force like this was familiar, little insights and nudges in the right direction to find wayward Jedi, hints of their Force signatures so she had an idea of who to look for. But this time something was different. There was the urgent thrumming of the Force that whispered of something terrible happening if she was too late. And there was the confusing Force signature; it was older, like she was, bathed enough in the Force to have been alive for a couple decades, but it also felt so incredibly young. It made no sense. Maybe she was catching two force signatures at once. An adult and a child.

The ship dropped out of hyperspace and her destination loomed in front of her. It was a cold, gray thing; all rocky mountains and turbulent oceans and sparse forests. It had one city, a barely established mining colony. And where there were mines, there was the Mining Guild. On cue, her comm crackled to life with a hail informing her exactly what she suspected: she was in Mining Guild territory and she should state her business.

Anakin formulated some easily believable lie and put as much boredom into her voice as possible. They gave her a landing pad and she proceeded with no trouble. With R2 working the beacon, they would assume she was actually here to deliver rations until they got a visual on her ship, and a double check of her beacon would lead them to believe she was here to "deliver rations" and would leave her to her business. Mining Guild colonies were always 10% actual mining and 90% smuggling, and the air traffic controllers got paid quite handsomely to not pay attention to smuggler ships.

The Force stirred with unease and urgency as Anakin landed. She told R2 to stay with the ship – he was better than any security system she could install. On her way out she automatically checked her hips for her sabers. Her right hand closed over Obi-Wan's with a strike of pain so fierce it almost stopped her in her tracks. She hardly used his lightsaber anymore, except for emergencies. She should have let it go long ago, left it behind, buried it, memorialized it, but she couldn't.

 _This weapon is your life_.

Anakin pushed away the pain and hurried down the ramp. The Force tugged at her, like an anxious youngling, pulling her from the docks into the little city. She slowed only a little as she came across a crowd, spectators thick with anxiety and morbid curiosity as they watched dark smoke pour from a building. A tenement apartment block, prefabricated, cheaply made, housing Mining Guild employees in tight quarters at minimum expense.

The Force shrieked at her to hurry!

She shoved past a devaronian was chewing out a nikto for leaving something behind. The nikto shouted back, pointing emphatically at the burning building, "The bloody building is on fire! You go back and get it!"

There were volunteers helping others get out of the building, singed and choking on smoke, asking if anyone was left behind. Those pulled from the building were running around, screaming for friends and loved ones. People seemed to think the building was empty. The Force told Anakin differently. She sprinted past them and barreled through the front door.

The lobby was filled with smoke and growing hot, but Anakin couldn't see any flames. The Force called her upwards. She kicked open the door to the closest stairwell and found it unblocked, but just as full of smoke. Anakin pulled out the breather she kept on her belt, something she had carried by habit ever since becoming Obi-Wan's padawan. It was astonishing, the number of times she had needed it over the last decade of her life – more than even a Jedi would suspect. It wasn't meant to filter out airborne impurities and smoke, but it was better than nothing.

She climbed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. On the fourth floor, she saw through the broken stairwell door that was where the fire had started, almost the whole corridor was engulfed in flames. Fortunately the Force called her farther up. Two more floors, on the sixth she forced her way through the door. It was hot as a furnace up here, smoky; Anakin could sense where the fire had engulfed the floor below and was beginning to create weak spots on this one. Another minute longer and this floor would be aflame as well. She charged down the hall, flying past open apartment doors until she found the one she was looking for. It was a tiny, derelict place, like every other apartment in this building, but this one in particular was littered with garbage, food containers and empty drinks. The apartment was filling with smoke and getting hotter by the second. Anakin wasted no time tearing deeper into the apartment. She could hear whoever the Force wanted her to find now, wailing wordlessly in fear. They sounded so small, so young, like a...

A baby!

She crashed into the last room, the smallest by far, hardly more than a closet, but there in a little crib was a baby. Anakin didn't think, didn't stop, she scooped the wailing baby up in her arms, cradled it close to her chest, and turned to sprint out of the apartment.

There were flames in the hallway blocking the way she had come the first time, but there was a second stairwell at the other end of the corridor. Anakin flew in and looked down, no good going that way, flames were licking into the stairwell from the floors below. She ran up.

The baby in her arms coughed between cries, deep wracking hacks. Her own lungs were beginning to burn and seize from the smoke.

Her breather wouldn't fit in the baby's tiny mouth, nor would they be able to use it effectively anyways, the way they were coughing and wailing. The only way she could help them was to get out to fresh air, and hope the Mining Guild saw fit to keep some first responders on staff. The baby would need oxygen.

She burst through the roof access door and looked around. The smoke was so thick she almost couldn't see the nearest buildings. Anakin gauged the jump the best she could and took a running leap. The Force helped carry her well onto the next roof, but she didn't stop, too close to the burning building. The next building was lower, and from its roof she was able to jump down to the alley below, slowed and cushioned by the Force. On solid ground, and safe from the fire, she let her knees go weak and sank to the ground. The baby wasn't crying anymore, they were hardly breathing.

"No! No no nonono, not again. Please breathe!"

She couldn't have another child die in her arms! She could still feel a thin, tiny pulse and a flickering life force. She breathed gently into the baby's mouth, trying to get clean air into their lungs. After a couple breaths, the baby sputtered and coughed and began crying again.

Anakin sobbed too, and cradled the baby to her chest. "It's okay, little one, I've got you. I’m here. I’ve got you."

She finally took a real look at the baby. They were too small to be human, she had known than on instinct the moment she grabbed them from the crib. But their green skin and long pointed ears were an all too familiar sight.

She soothed the baby best as she could, focusing her attentions on helping calm his frantic, frightened mind. "You're safe now," she whispered. "I've got you, Grogu. You're safe with me."

Within the Force, the child latched on tightly to her, desperate for strength and comfort. He was the first in so long to not shy away from her, to not see her for what she was and step back. Poor thing didn't know what he was looking at. When she got him back to the Jedi, back to people who looked proper in the Force, he would realize what she was. But for now, he needed her, and Anakin wasn't going to abandon him.

There were voices, running footsteps, someone shouted "Back here! She's back here!" Then Anakin was surrounded. She scanned the crowd, got a general sense for them. They were residents of the tenement block, neighbors.

There were murmurs, loud thoughts. “… didn't know there was a baby...”

“…thought everyone was out…"

"Crazy bitch just ran in there!"

"…not one of ours."

"Who is she anyway?"

And then " _Kark_! She has the child."

Anakin finally looked up from the baby in her arms, looking sharply for the originator of that final thought. The crowd gasped collectively, stepping back from her. Her eyes caught the retreating form of a nikto, the Grogu's former caretaker – _kidnapper_ was probably more appropriate as he’d done a very poor job taking care of Grogu.

She felt the nervousness of the others. With how strongly she had been feeling the Force, her eyes had to be glowing violet right now – unnatural in almost any species, but certainly in humans. She lowered her eyes again and focused on pushing the Force back down.

"Let us through!" A loud voice commanded, and two medics shoved their way through the crowd; a dowutin and his human companion.

The human dropped to his knees and began assessing Anakin and the baby, while the dowutin dispersed the crowd. By the time the human got an oxygen mask fitted over Grogu, and it covered most of his face, the spectators were gone and the dowutin was checking Anakin over.

Anakin almost didn't let Grogu go when the human medic tried taking him to check, and while the baby was in the medic's arms she barely took her eyes off him.

"Sit still for two seconds," the dowutin snapped with mild exasperation as Anakin dodged the oxygen mask again. "You breathed the smoke too, and you've got a burn I need to look at."

That made Anakin pause, and she looked down at her leg. Her pants were charred away and a large patch of her thigh was red and blistered. She didn't realize she had been burnt. It didn't even hurt.

The medic took advantage of her stillness and slapped the mask over her nose and mouth before running a scanner over her leg. "Second decree burns, not too deep, you got lucky." He misted the burn with a bacta spray and put a loose bandage over it. "Who do you think you are, running into a burning building like that?"

"I had to save the baby."

"Why? He's not yours."

"Does he have to be mine to warrant saving?"

"No, but the way you just showed up to run into the fire after him seems more than a little suspicious. Fact is, you're not one of us, and I'm not entirely certain where you came from or why."

Anakin spotted the Mining Guild emblem on the medics' uniforms. Of course they belong to the mining guild, everything does here.

"Maybe I just came here specifically to save the baby from the fire." Anakin said dryly. It was, after all, the truth, not that she expected the medics to buy it.

"Sure. Next you'll be telling us you're a Jedi too."

“I used to be,” Anakin muttered.

The medic scoffed. “Guess I’ll check you for head trauma too.”

* * *

Anakin limped slowly up the ramp onto the ship calling out as she entered, “Artoo, we’ve got company.”

The baby had been cleared by the medics, showing no severe ill effects from the fire. She got off almost clean too, except for the burn on her leg, which was starting to hurt now.

R2 came wheeling out of the cockpit, whistling a greeting and asking, “ _What’s the damage this time?_ ” His optic fell on the baby tucked in her arms and he hooted shrilly, “ _Where did you find a small gremlin?!_ ”

“Be nice, he’s just a baby. His name is Grogu. He was a youngling at the Jedi Temple.”

Almost as soon as he had been checked over, Grogu had passed out in Anakin’s arms, and he remained fast asleep even after a brisk walk through the city.

R2 whistled lowly, “ _He is in stasis?_ ”

“He’s had a rough day. Speaking of, we better get ready for a quick getaway. I doubt his former keepers are going to let us waltz away with him that easily.”

She stepped farther into the ship to the little padded alcove that served as her bunk when she had to make longer flights. It would do for now to keep Grogu comfortable and safe. She laid him down and pulled the blanket up over his tiny body, then turned to R2 and said, “Keep an eye on him, but also start pre-flight. We’re not going to want to stick around here much longer.”

“ _Are we going straight home?_ ”

Anakin considered it for a moment. “No, probably best to set down somewhere safe first. I wouldn’t put it past the mining guild to slip a tracker onto the ship somehow.”

“ _Nobody came by._ ”

“Doesn’t mean they couldn’t do it one way or the other. Plot a course for Nevarro, we can give the ship a once over there before going home.”

“ _Fine_ ,” R2 grumbled. He didn’t particularly care for Nevarro.

The Force stirred, and whispered a warning to Anakin. She looked over her shoulder towards the docking bay. More company was coming.

“Hop to it, Artoo. This won’t take long.”

She walked down the ramp just as her visitors made it through the docking bay door. It was the devaronian and nikto from the apartment, and then some. They had gathered a small posse, either hired guns or fellow gang members.

"We're here for the child." The devaronian called.

"You're not getting him back."

"He belongs with us."

"You left him behind in a burning building. I rescued him. He's coming with me, to people who will understand and protect him."

The devaronian was not happy with Anakin's decree. He pulled a blaster. She drew her lightsaber.

The nikto's eyes went wide with recognition and then fear. "Uh, Br’rag, I think I recognize her. That's the Jedi bitch who killed Palpatine."

"That's me." Anakin didn't bother correcting him. Technically Padme had killed Palpatine, but it was her duel with him that kept making the rounds across the holonet. Clashing lightsabers were more entertaining to watch than a point blank blaster shot.

Anakin gave her saber a twirl and scanned the crowd, sensing all she could with the Force. More than a few of the hired grunts took a half step back when her eyes swept past them, their blasters wavering in their grasp. When it came down to it, they would run for their lives rather than risk her blade. The nikto didn't look particularly keen on fighting her either. The devaronian clearly needed to be taught a lesson in hubris.

He shot first and Anakin deflected the bolt back into him, striking him directly in the middle of his chest. He was dead before he hit the ground. There was a brief hail of gunfire, as those who either belonged to the same gang or still thought they were getting paid opened fire on her. Anakin dodged and deflected blaster bolts, moving swiftly with the Force to dispatch a few of the more determined gunners. The hired grunts ran as soon as she started swinging, and the lackeys were quick to follow, none of them willing to fall to her blade for whatever they were getting paid.

Soon, all that remained was the nikto, who was looking around rather stupidly at the suddenly very empty docking bay. He yelped when Anakin grabbed him by the collar.

"Who do you work for?"

He didn't respond except to stutter out a weak plea for his life.

"Answer my questions and you will walk away in one piece. Who do you work for?"

"C-Crimson Dawn."

Anakin sighed. Of course it was Crimson Dawn. What Maul wanted with a Force sensitive youngling who probably would take three lifetimes just to speak full sentences, she didn't know, but she could make a couple educated guesses.

"You got a holorecorder on you?"

"Y-yes."

"Good. You're going to record a message for me and deliver it to your boss."

The nikto squeaked fearfully, but produced the recorder when prompted. Anakin thought for a moment about what to say to get her message across clearly.

"To Lord Maul, leader of Crimson Dawn crime syndicate, et cetera, et cetera. From Anakin Skywalker, former Jedi Knight, destroyer of Sith Lords… I'm sure you've heard of me.” She paused for just a moment to really let the tone of her words settle in, then continued sharply, “Listen here, you _bifurcated fuckwit_ , I have removed the Force sensitive child from the custody of your flunkies. The child is now under my protection and will be returning to the Jedi where you will not get your claws on him ever again. For the record, said flunkies you tasked with taking care of the child left him in a burning building. One of them is no longer among the living; the other is delivering this message in person, say 'hello' Flunkie!" Anakin waved at the nikto holding the recorder. He did not say 'hello.'

"Needless to say, the child is no longer of any concern of yours. On the topic of things that are no longer your concern, any Jedi you come across are also off limits. You saw what I did to your old Master, and I know you are nowhere near as powerful as he was. My advice to you is to keep your crimson tits out of trouble and worry your horny head with your smuggling empire and keep off my radar. Because if you become a problem, I'm the one who will come along to clean up. And I won't be nearly as nice about it as Obi-Wan."

Her messenger had moved from trembling to fully petrified with fear. Anakin used the Force to end the recording. The small beep the device made snapped the nikto from his stupor.

"I can't deliver that! He'll kill me!"

Anakin shrugged. "Should have done your job better then and taken better care of the baby." She gave him a critical look. "I trust you can get that to your lord and master on your own? I don't need to hold your hand all the way back to headquarters do I?"

"Y-you really want me to deliver the message?"

Anakin shrugged. "That's up to you. You can delete it, but I hope you'll think up a damn good story for where the child went, because who's going to believe that Anakin Skywalker flew all the way out here just to run into a burning building to rescue a baby?" She gestured him lazily away and turned towards her ship. "I'd clear out if I were you. You're right in the engine exhaust line."

The nikto ran from the hangar and she did not give him another thought. It didn't matter much to her if Maul got the message or not.

* * *

It took a couple hours to reach Nevarro. There wasn't much to the little outer rim planet, one main settlement outside the volcanic plains, a well-known hive for people who would prefer to move about unnoticed. Anakin's little ship fit right in.

Grogu was still fast asleep when she touched down. She didn't wake him. This wasn't going to be a long stop. She waved off the dockhands who came for the ship, hoping to earn a few credits.

"I've got it handled. Just a quick pit stop." She flipped them each a credit to make themselves scarce. The fewer people who saw her long enough to recognize her, the better.

Left alone to work, she turned her attention to the ship. She and R2 scanned it from top to bottom and tip to tail and fortunately found no trackers.

Anakin was relieved, but still shook her head and commented derisively, "Those Crimson Dawn flunkies really didn't know how to do their jobs, did they?"

R2 chortled in response.

"Still, better take the long way home, just in case."

The droid plugged into the navicomputer and projected their best route. It had them bouncing across three different sectors, and made enough backtracks that if they happened to pick up a tail they were sure to lose them. Problem was it would take almost a whole day to get back to the Jedi.

"Hmm, better go get some food, then. Something for breakfast and dinner." She kept rations stocked on the ship, but when there was a market right there to get real food from, it was hard to pass up. She checked Grogu again, deep in an exhausted, healing sleep.

“You’re in charge,” she told R2, heading out of the ship again. "Comm me if he wakes up. I shouldn't be gone long."

Anakin checked for her lightsabers, they were on her hip as always. She jogged from the ship, paid for a top off of fuel, and then hurried into town.

The market was small and not all that well stocked, but it was still busy. She picked up enough food to make a couple meals, and some bantha milk for Grogu. She was almost certain he was already eating solid food – she had some fuzzy memories of him enjoying meat the few times they'd met when she was just a padawan – but the milk would probably be a safe drink as well. Bantha milk was digestible by almost all species across the galaxy.

Less than half an hour later, she was back on the ship and they were clearing the atmosphere. No problems on Nevarro, which was a pleasant change from the Mining colony. Their course was laid in, and there wasn't much to do now but wait.

Anakin felt a hungry pit in her stomach, so she set about preparing dinner. When food was hot, she woke Grogu.

He was slow to wake, and groggy, but perked up when Anakin mentioned dinner.

"You hungry?"

_Hungry!_

Anakin brought over a couple plates to the bed and sat down across from him. She had dished up a little of everything and figured he would pick out what he liked. As predicted, Grogu reached instantly for the meat, a happy smile on his little face.

She laughed, "Yeah, you are a little carnivore, aren't you? Like Snips."

Grogu must have been starving because he cleaned the plate and took a second serving – granted they were _small_ servings, but his stomach was only so big – and he even happily sipped at a small cup of milk. Full, and still hurting a little from the fire, and growing tired again, Anakin expected he would fall right back to sleep when she left to wash up.

She was surprised to feel a little clawed hand grab at her leg. "Yes, Grogu?" She crouched down and looked into his wide, dark eyes.

He looked up at her, brow furrowed in concentration. _Recognize. You Anakin._

"Yes, that's right. You remember me?"

Grogu's head tilted the other way, still thinking hard. _Anakin different._

She smiled sadly. "Yes. I've changed a lot since we last met."

_Anakin hurt._

Her hand brushed over the bandage on her leg. "It's okay. It's healing. And it doesn't hurt anymore."

She picked him up, and held him out, "You are hurt too, youngling. You should rest so you can feel better too." She placed him back on the berth. "Tomorrow, you'll be back again with the Jedi."

Grogu's eyes lit up. _Jedi home?_

"A new home, but yes. Home to the Jedi."

_Home safe?_

"Yes. You'll be safe with them again. Nobody else will hurt you."

Grogu furrowed his brow and frowned. _Grogu hurt._ He projected a flash of memory, of his treatment at the hands of Crimson Dawn. The fear, the pain.

Anakin put her hand on the back of his head, and ran her thumb between his ears, it seemed to comfort him.

"Go to sleep, and it will hurt less. Tomorrow you'll be home safe."

He grabbed her sleeve as she tried to pull away. _Stay._

"Until you sleep," she promised softly.

He settled down, she pulled the blanket over him again and rested her hand on his chest. It didn't take long before he settled deeply into sleep again.

Anakin felt her own body pulling towards sleep, and with nothing else to do, there was no reason to not go to bed early. Grogu was occupying the only berth, but the pilot's chair wasn't horribly uncomfortable, and it wouldn't be the first time she had slept there.

Anakin checked with R2, checked the autopilot, dimmed the cockpit lights, and settled into her seat. She laid her robe over her front like a blanket, propped her feet up onto the co-pilot’s seat, and closed her eyes. She resolutely pushed away any painful thoughts and memories, mindful of young and sensitive Grogu in such close proximity. He couldn’t handle the depths of her pain alongside his own, he didn’t need to, and he shouldn’t have to in the first place. She wrapped the Force around her, clamping down tight to keep anything from bleeding over to the youngling, and then she was asleep.

Sometime later she was awoken by a strange sensation. She acted before she fully woke up, grabbing the slight weight on her chest before sitting up.

“Grogu?” in the dim light she registered the little youngling she was holding out at arm’s length. “What’s wrong?”

His feelings didn’t quite articulate properly into words in the Force. It was too confusing, too complex for the young child to fully understand. All she got was that he was upset and had come to her.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

He whined quietly and reached for her.

“Okay,” Anakin whispered, “It’s okay. It was just a dream.” She held him close again, cradling him against her chest. He gripped her tunic tightly and rested his head against her heart. Slowly, the fear began to ebb away. After a few minutes, he calmed and was growing sleepy again.

“Let’s get you back to bed,” Anakin whispered, standing up to carry him back to the berth. When she moved to put him down, he gripped her tunic tighter.

_Stay._

“I’ll be right here, okay.” She unhooked his claws and placed him on the bunk, gathering the blanket around him like a little nest. “See it’s nice and cozy.”

_Stay!_

Anakin sighed. “Kiddo, I won’t fit on the bed there with you. There’s not enough space.” She sat down on the floor right next to the berth. “Look, I’ll be right here, all night.”

He didn’t like that much either. Grogu reached out his arms for Anakin, demanding with a strike of fear and frustration. _Hold!_

“Okay.” Anakin picked him up again and cradled him to her chest. Once again he rested against her heart, and she felt him relax, comforted by her presence. She tried not to think about how she never got to do this for her own children. How she never got to hold them through a sleepless night, rock them to sleep, sing them a lullaby.

Grogu was so much older than her twins would have been. He was so different, but… in certain ways all babies were the same be they twenty-four years old or twenty-four hours. But Grogu wasn’t _hers_. He would go back to his home and family with the Jedi and that would be best for him and for her. She couldn’t train him, couldn’t teach him, couldn’t even give him the love and care he needed. She was too damaged, too changed. Even though he clung to her now, basked in her presence, it was only out of instinct. She was the first Force Sensitive to find him after his escape from the Temple, however he managed that. A child as young as him would attach themselves to anyone who reached out to them in the Force after so long in isolation.

He would soon realize how changed she was, how unnatural, how un-Jedi-like she had become. Like the others, he would learn to fear her as well.

For now though… he needed her comfort. So she held him close and sat on the berth, leaning against the wall. She pulled the blanket over them, closed her eyes, and hummed a half-forgotten lullaby. And Grogu, for the first time in a very long time, slept peacefully.

* * *

He hardly let her go all through the next morning. He clung to her legs while she prepared breakfast, and he sat in her lap while they ate. He followed her all around the ship, even into the ‘fresher until Anakin drew that line and left him waiting outside the locked door. By the way he whined and grumbled one would think he had been unfairly punished rather than just Anakin needing two minutes to pee alone.

“You are milking it, kiddo,” Anakin scolded gently as she scooped him up outside the ‘fresher door. “As if you never had to wait for someone to pee back at the Temple. Please. I knew your caretakers.”

He grinned up at her, bright and toothy and giggled.

“Yeah, that’s what I though.”

She plunked him in the copilot’s seat as she checked their course. Grogu, naturally, did not _stay_ in the copilot’s seat, but Anakin found she didn’t mind much as he crawled into her lap. She checked carefully as they exited hyperspace somewhere around Bespin. There was no sign they had a tail, and the Force held not even a whisper of warning that danger was approaching. Satisfied that Grogu had gotten away safely, and the Jedi’s new home base remained a closely guarded secret, she laid in the last jump coordinates. A few more hours, Grogu would be home, and then she could go home too.

The new Jedi Temple was actually an _old_ Jedi Temple. Ancient ruins left behind on a nearly forgotten planet that still sang with the Force, and welcomed its children back to a safe haven. Old, weathered, crumbling stone structures stood next to new constructs. Hastily build, pre-fabricated buildings, dropped in where they would fit. Here was a small dormitory, there a mess hall, a dojo, an armory, gardens, medical, archives. It had grown much over the last year, even as the Jedi’s numbers continued to dwindle as more deaths were confirmed. A little more time and the odd patchwork of scrounged buildings and donated materials might begin to look like a cohesive community, but for now… well the home of the Jedi quite accurately reflected their status.

Grogu perked up as soon as they hit the atmosphere, crawling from her lap onto the dashboard to get as close a look as he could to the rapidly approaching surface of the planet. No doubt he could sense this place like Anakin could – the serenity, the comfort, the safety, the familiarity.

Mace Windu was waiting for her at the edge of the landing field. He always waited for her when she made a drop off. Sometimes it was just easier for everyone when Anakin didn’t step fully onto Jedi ground. There was a steady drizzle falling, so she tucked Grogu beneath her robes and stepped down the ramp.

Windu’s face briefly flickered through disappointment and confusion when he saw Anakin disembark alone. “You usually do not come around here unless you have someone to return to us. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing wrong,” Anakin said brightly. “I just have a special delivery to make.” She lifted open her robe and exposed Grogu.

For the first time in a very long time, Anakin saw Mace Windu smile in genuine delight and relief. “A survivor from the Temple!”

Grogu reached for the other Jedi, and Mace lifted him from Anakin’s arms. He cooed a greeting, projecting into the Force recognition and joy.

“Oh, little one, it is so good to see you,” Windu said, smiling at the baby. “We didn’t think anyone had escaped the Temple, had survived.” He looked to Anakin. “Where did you find him? Were there other younglings?”

Anakin shook her head. “No, just him. He was in Crimson Dawn custody when I found him. Whether they got him out of the Temple, I do not know, but if anyone is up for the job, it would probably be a good idea to check the syndicates and see if they kidnapped or recruited any Jedi.”

Mace studied her for a moment, then nodded. “You should come with me, tell the Council everything you can.”

Anakin had expected this, she had locked herself down tightly with the Force before hitting the atmosphere, no sense in upsetting anyone. The rain was keeping most everyone inside, so she drew very little attention as they hurried to the Council room/salvaged archives. The Jedi Council was waiting, though calling it that was almost an insult. It was a fraction of its size, so few Masters had survived Order 66 and there were hardly enough surviving Knights who felt experienced or even remotely _able_ to lead with wisdom and faith in the Force. The Council was down to four: Master Windu, Master Yoda, Jocasta Nu, and Luminara Unduli.

Much fuss was made over Grogu, there was joy and hope brought up to cover the fear and sadness. If he had survived, there may be a chance, however slim, that other younglings had survived the storming of the Jedi Temple. He was handed off to a Healer for a check-up, and once he was gone, Anakin told her story.

When she finished a sober silence settled over them.

“It is troubling to consider the crime syndicates may have taken our younglings in the chaos of Order sixty-six.” Luminara said, keeping her eyes trained on her folded hands in her lap. “Grogu had much fear in him, a youngling that ages faster could be permanently traumatized.”

“Skywalker’s suggestion that we send Jedi to check in with the syndicates is sound,” Mace added, “but it will be slow, we are stretched so thin already, and so few Jedi are able to take missions.”

“I’ll help where I can,” Anakin volunteered. “I’ll bring back whoever I can find, but…” she sighed and gripped her hands tightly. “You know I cannot find anyone the Force does lead me to.”

She had _tried_. Stars knew how desperately she had tried to find Ahsoka after Order 66, after the Emperor, all throughout this last year. But every lead came to a dead end. Every hint led nowhere. For whatever reason, the Force would not lead Anakin to Ahsoka. And until they were ready, it never would. Anakin only knew that Ahsoka had been alive at Mandalore, that she had been the one to defeat and capture Maul. What happened after, _en route_ to Coruscant, on a star destroyed full of clone troopers, when Order 66 was issued… it was more likely than not that Ahsoka, like every other Jedi, had been caught off guard by the betrayal of their troops. But Ahsoka was well trained, resourceful, strong, she was Anakin’s padawan, so maybe she had survived. After all, Maul had survived and escaped.

Alive or dead, any kind of closure would be better than not knowing.

With Grogu delivered safely to the Jedi, and no reason to linger, Anakin made quick work of returning to her ship. Grogu was home, and now it was time for her to return home, to Padme. Today of all days, she didn’t want to be alone. She was quiet, somber as she navigated the ship up through the atmosphere and waited for the cpmputer to calculate the jump that would take her back to her husband. Clear of the planet, clear of the Jedi and any Force-sensitive younglings who couldn’t handle her trauma on top of their own, she stopped pushing away the grief and pain that had been eating away at her all day. It was fitting, in a bitterly ironic fashion, that eighteen months after the anniversary of Order 66, Anakin had brought home maybe the only youngling to survive the attack on the Jedi Temple.

The navicomputer pinged, the plot was coursed. Anakin moved to engage the hyperdrive, but paused when a new sound reached her ears. It was the extremely soft tapping of little claws against a metal floor.

She had exactly enough time to mutter “What?” and turn to look when something small and light and surprisingly dense crashed into her shins. He clung on tight, and wailed at her.

“Grogu?! What the-? What are you _doing here,_ youngling?!”

 _Stay!_ Grogu demanded. _Anakin stay!_

She sighed with soft exasperation and picked him up. “I can’t. I can’t stay here. I… I just can’t. You belong with the Jedi you have to stay.”

 _Nooooo_! Grogu cried as Anakin turned the ship around.

Anakin rubbed his back and he calmed down. “You belong here, young one. You’re safe here, and protected. The Jedi are your home, and you need to be home.”

Grogu didn’t complain any further as they approached the planet once more. Though Anakin could sense he wasn’t particularly happy about this either. Occasionally she caught a stray, mutinous grumble of _Stay._ But nothing else.

She rubbed his head between his ears as they neared the landing field. “Is this because I didn’t say a proper goodbye?”

Grogu didn’t answer. He was pouting.

The landing pad had several more people that Anakin’s last arrival. This time she did not hide Grogu from the rain as she marched him back down the ship’s ramp and into the worried arms of the Healer, much to the relief of the Council.

“Thank the Force!” they proclaimed, scooping up the pouting youngling. “I only turned my back for a second, I swear, and then he was gone!”

Yoda chuckled, “A master of escape, young Grogu has always been. Come, speak with him I will.” He gestured for them to follow and invited himself into Anakin’s ship. To be fair, it was the closest shelter from the rain, which was picking up from a drizzle.

The Jedi said very little amongst themselves and to Anakin while they waited for Yoda to speak privately with Grogu behind the closed doors of the cockpit. They could all feel the strong stirrings in the Force while the two of them spoke, relying not on words, but memory and feeling to communicate clearly. Yoda had something of an advantage, speaking to the youngling of the same species.

After a very long five minutes, the cockpit door opened and the two came out to join the others. Yoda and Grogu were unreadable as they joined the others. Grogu went straight for Anakin, holding up his arms to be picked up. She obliged and set him down on top of the table.

“Young Grogu wishes to stay with Skywalker for a time.”

Anakin wasn’t the only one who responded to that statement with a very quick, “No.”

Yoda seemed to expect that answer. “Grogu’s wish it is.”

“Grogu belongs with the Jedi,” Mace Windu said slowly. “He is a Jedi youngling, he needs training and protection.”

“Exactly!” Anakin emphasized. “I’m not a Jedi. I can’t train him or teach him.”

“Hmm, and learn only from Jedi do we? Our only teachers are Jedi Masters? Learn much from you he can. A good teacher you were.”

“A _failed_ teacher. My padawan left the Order too.”

“Young still, Grogu is, padawan training he is not ready for.”

Anakin raised a helpless hand, looking around at the other Jedi for a moment. Why did it sound like Yoda was okay with this? Letting a youngling – a _baby_ – tag along with her was insane. And why wasn’t anyone else arguing for Grogu to stay with the Jedi. Mace had fallen silent as she had argued with Yoda, looking more and more convinced by the second to let Grogu go with her.

“I live on a ship half the time. I’m always in motion, going from one dangerous place to the next. I ran into a burning building _yesterday_ for Force’s sake. That’s no life for a child. There’s no stability, no guaranteed safety, I can’t protect him. This is insane, just tell him ‘no, he’s a baby, he’ll get over it.”

Jocasta spoke up next, “We do not have the resources here to give Grogu the care and attention he needs. He is very young and we have no caretakers.”

“What and you think I could do a better job?”

“One caretaker devoting their time and attention to a youngling is far better than a dozen each only giving a fraction.”

Anakin shook her head, still arguing. “He’s a Jedi youngling. I’m not a Jedi anymore. I… I can’t teach him the Jedi way. Aren’t you afraid I’ll corrupt him?”

Luminara’s words were solemn, heavy with all she knew her words implied. “Grogu doesn’t need a Jedi Master right now, Anakin. He needs a parent.”

“No!” Ice flashed through Anakin’s veins. “No, no, I can’t. I can’t. I’m not… don’t _ask me_ to...”

Adopted, surrogate, even just by informality, she couldn’t be Grogu’s mother. This wasn’t what she had signed up for. It was one thing to comfort the child and hold him while he slept because she was transporting him to the Jedi and it was the care he needed. Becoming his full-time caretaker, his mother was entirely different. She was always a mother, she would always be a mother, and yet she couldn’t actually _be_ a mother.

When she had tried she had failed. She had failed and lost three of the most important people in her life. Her own children, under her care, had lived less than forty-eight hours. Now, there was no Order 66, there were no armies bearing down on her with intent to kill, but what difference did that make? She had failed with her own children, and surely she would fail with Grogu. She was worse now than she had ever been before the twins. She was too damaged to ever try and be somebody’s parent ever again.

“I can’t. Not again.” Never again. She could hear screaming newborns, smell blaster fire, she felt the weight of motionless bundles in her arms.

All the grief, the loss, the pain, the anger welled up inside her, threatening to explode. Anakin had to take a moment to close her eyes and focus. The Force wrapped around her, rushed into her heart and siphoned away the potent bomb.

The moment passed. Anakin felt a very small hand wrap around her thumb and squeeze. She opened her eyes and saw eyes filled with sympathy and wariness.

“We will not force you to take him,” Mace said carefully, “But he takes great comfort in your presence. And now, after all he’s been through, he needs comfort most.”

Anakin swallowed past the lump in her throat. “He’s just… imprinted on me, a reaction to the trauma, he bonded with me in a moment of peril, that’s all. He could find someone better, anyone would be better.”

“But he’s chosen you.”

“He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know any better. He can’t see how I’ve changed, what I’ve become.”

Yoda asked, “And what have you become?”

 _A monster_ , Anakin wanted to say, _something children fear, and even you approach with caution. I’m a wild creature, an unwanted abomination of the Force._ But it didn’t need saying. Yoda and Windu had seen what she could become from the beginning; it was why they never wanted to train her in the first place. She was dangerous.

Anakin left the question unanswered. She looked down at Grogu, standing on the table in front of her. He looked back up with those large, fathomless dark eyes; they reflected the blueish glow of her own eyes back to her. He reached up to her and pleaded, _Stay. Anakin and Grogu. Stay._

She broke eye contact and looked around to the others. “It can’t last forever. He’s going to come to his senses or change his mind. What then?”

“When ready to return, young Grogu is, welcome him we will.”

Yoda’s words eased some of Anakin’s worry, she didn’t want to be the one to take Grogu away from the path of the Jedi. Sure he was choosing her now, but that didn’t mean tomorrow or a week from now he would change his mind.

Windu said, “Right now, our concerns for Grogu is that he is safe, cared for, and happy. And right now, he feels safest and happiest with you.”

Anakin drew and released a deep breath. She picked Grogu up and held him at eye level. “You really want to stay with me?” He did. She smiled weakly and breathed a laugh. “I can’t say it’s gonna be easy kid, but… it’ll be something.”

Grogu smiled back and cooed, projecting much joy and satisfaction into the Force.

Yoda had a particularly please smile on his wizened face. “The will of the Force this is. Good for Grogu, you will be. And,” he turned his attention to the youngling, “Good for Skywalker, you will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> There will be future chapters at some point. Not sure when, but there will most likely be at least a second part. Padme still has to meet the Yodito, aka his new son. And we've gotta bring Ahsoka back at some point too. We might catch up with the Crimson Dawn flunkie. I'm having fun playing with not-fully-human Anakin. I have relationships to fix and patch. And I have to live with the fact that there can't be an Obi-Wan force ghost in this AU and I actually killed him dead so he can't sit there and laugh at Anakin as she tries and figures out how to Mom.  
> It will be beautiful. It will be angsty, y'all know what to expect at this point.
> 
> Cheers!


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